remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
