I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
