i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
