I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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