I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
