Buhtt sex?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
