I think im going to throw up on grandma
I haven't been this sober since birth.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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