She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
