life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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