im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
