I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
