There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
