it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
