there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
