Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
