soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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