i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
