"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
