did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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