My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
