um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
