On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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