Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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