Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
