spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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