PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
