he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
