Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
