It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
