just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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