I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
