Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
