well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
