Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
