Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
