The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
