You just made me feel so damn special
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
