Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
