Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
