I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
