apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize