I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she pinky promised me she was 18
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
