super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
