If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
