You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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