i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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