Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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