Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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