I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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