So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
