Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
