how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
