Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
