I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
