dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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