I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
