dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize