im six kinds of drunk right now
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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