Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
