I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
