do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
