all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
