i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize