Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize