Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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