Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
