my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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