i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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