hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just want nice things and good sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
