According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
