please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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