I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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