I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
