dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Say something about gay babies.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
