so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
