i think my mom watched the whole time
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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