He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
