Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
