The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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