The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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