turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
