What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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