Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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